Ughhh

I caught sight of myself in the mirror today. Ughhh.

Now, "Ughhh" is not how I want to feel about my body. I do love myself and want to love my body more than I do now. The holidays have just been an excuse to laze and stuff my face. I don't want to start till new year to begin. So, here is my resolution for the week:

I will eat 3 healthy meals a day. Also, I will make sure to include a portion of fruit or vegetables with each of these meals.

GRRR!

I have not been cooking much at home. We have had some stuff going on that has necessitated lots of eating out. However, I need to get back to cooking at home. That is probably what both my waistline and my wallet need. Here is the plan for things to cook the next few days:

Root Veggie Roast: Potatoes, Carrots, Yams w. Spices
Mexican Rice and Beans
Pumpkin Ice-cream (I bought a new icecream maker)
Barley-Lentil Slow Cooker Soup
Salad w. Cheese Blend and Apples
Guacamole w. Chips
Green Bean Casserole
Baked Acorn Squash stuffed with Bulghur and spices.

Week #2 - Progress

So, I think I am going to update my progress on this log daily (if possible) - maybe that will keep me accountable. With notes below about other things this week also.

SUN: Rest - Done!
MON: 1/2 hr Cardio, 1/2 hr 45-min Weight-Training, 15 min stretching - DONE!
TUE: PiYo class - DONE!
WED: 1hr Walk over Lunch
THU: Rest
FRI: Cardio, Weight-Training like Monday
SAT: ZUMBA

Monday - Not as sore from the weight-lifting as I had been last week. And I did heavier weights and more reps too! This is a good sign. I made Mushroom and Black Bean enchiladas in green sauce. They were delicious! Have leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

Tuesday - Made a veggie/Brown Rice Casserole and Zucchini Bread. The casserole was not that great - I think I added too much milk and not enough cheese. The zucchini bread was yummy. Hubby ate about a half of it! Did the PiYo class again - I was SORE! But although it was difficult, I think it was easier than last week. That's a good sign.

Wednesday - Lower impact exercise today - walking with a friend over lunch.

Week #2

This is what happened to last week's goals:

SUN: Hiking w. L
MON: 1/2 hr Cardio, 1/2 hr Weight-Training
TUE: Weights (1/2 hour), ZUMBA Class PiYo class
WED: 1hr Walk over Lunch
THU: Rest
FRI: Alternate Cardio, Weight-Training w. Monday
SAT: Gentle Yoga, Alternate ZUMBA and Contra Dancing

So, I guess I did most of it. I wish I had stuck more closely with the schedule. Anyway, this is the plan for the coming week:

SUN: Rest
MON: 1/2 hr Cardio, 1/2 hr Weight-Training
TUE: PiYo class
WED: 1hr Walk over Lunch
THU: Rest
FRI: Cardio, Weight-Training like Monday
SAT: ZUMBA

RESTART - Plan for the Week

I hope to get back to exercising in a serious way starting this week. This is the plan:

SUN: Hiking w. L
MON: Alternate Cardio, Weight-Training
TUE: Weights (1/2 hour), ZUMBA Class
WED: Walk over Lunch
THU: Rest
FRI: Alternate Cardio, Weight-Training w. Monday
SAT: Gentle Yoga, Alternate ZUMBA and Contra Dancing

Let's hope this gets me into some sort of shape. D. said  that he would take me in tomorrow and show me around the weight-room. Pays to have a husband who works at a gym. Free gym membership and free personal training.

Sprained Ankle

Went on a hike up a local butte on Sunday and on the way back, I sprained my ankle REALLY BADLY! I could barely walk for the past couple of days, and today I can only hobble around. It is getting better, and I am thankful that it is not something worse - like a broken ankle. But no walking or exercise for a while now. Maybe next weekend?

Starting Metformin

I picked up my prescription yesterday, and am started taking Metformin today. I start with one pill in the morning for two weeks, and then up it to two daily (morning and evening) for 4 weeks, and then to three daily. My doctor thinks that in 6 months, my cycles will be regular, and I will be able to conceive. If not, we will consider infertility treatments. I hope things go well.

So, it appears that Metformin needs to be taken with food. This minimizes the side effects of nausea and diarrhea. What this means is that from now on, I will have to make sure to eat breakfast. Eating breakfast has always been somewhat of a challenge for me. While I enjoy making and eating a good breakfast, more often than not, I prioritize sleeping in another half hour. I'll have to be better about this.

I'm also planning on going with some friends to a Salad Roll workshop this evening. It is a free workshop. I hope they give us some salad rolls after to take home with us. That will be nice.

Also, talking about salad rolls, I suppose I should also make the effort to eat better and manage my blood glucose. I am not diabetic yet, but I am in the pre-diabetic range and should be careful because the incidence of birth defects are higher if the mother has higher blood glucose levels.

Here is what I ate/will eat today:

Breakfast. 8.00am
Cottage Cheese, Rice Crackers, Banana

Snack. 11:00am
String cheese, 2 snack-sized pieces candy (so much for sugar-control)

Lunch. 12.15pm
Thai Red Curry Vegetable Soup
Apple

Snack. 5:30pm
Salad rolls?

Dinner. 6:45pm
Enchilada Bowl and Chips
Popcorn w. Nutritional yeast at movie

Week 14: Weigh-in

Weigh in this week: 235.0 lbs. Not much of a difference.

I went on a long hike with a friend yesterday. Then I visited my friend Vanessa who is moving to California and had tea with her. Very sad.

I went to my gynecologist last week. I have PCOS which makes it hard for me to lose weight or get pregnant. She is going to put me on metformin which should help with regulating my menstrual cycle, and she said it also helps regulate blood glucose and helps with weight loss. Hope this is the case - that would be a welcome side-effect.

Week 13: Weigh-in

So much for the idea that I was going to restart yet again. Just checking in with my weight log this week.

Scale said: 234.6 lbs

Also, I have started to read a new book - Health At Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight. I have only just started, but find it very interesting thus far. I'll post more after reading more.

Week 12: Weigh-in

Not good - I'm up 1.8lbs since the last weigh-in and I skipped a week. I've been having TOM, guests, low motivation etc. I think I'm going to "restart" each time I post a weigh-in update. This time around I've got to start recording food intake as well. I'll try doing this in my paper journal, because I hate updating it all the time online. See how that goes...

Week 10: Weigh-in

Down 1.4 lbs this week. Nice!

I feel like I have not been able to find the motivation to post as often as I would like or as often as I want to. I think that I will stick to posting updates for now, and then when I feel more motivated, and have more to say, then I will also post more.

Still grieving from MIL's death.

Week 9: Weigh-in

The scale is 2lbs up this week. How awful. But, I have been binging and eating high sodium foods as well.

D's mom passed away this morning. Sad news. I went on a binge this afternoon. Will try to do better next month!

Week 8: Weigh-in

Hopped on the scale this morning to 233.4. That's a 3lb weight loss since I began and a 0.2lb weight-loss since last week. Still inching along instead of going at a brisker pace. Of course, it did not help that I went on a bunch of binges this past week and did not eat as many veggies as I should have. I did however, go hiking yesterday (1700 cal) and two walks last week. So, at least, I am not gaining.

I have been thinking of going to an Overeaters Anonymous group. I have not done so yet, but I think I would like to check one out and see what it is like. I don't like the idea of naming this as an addiction or "admitting I have no power over it". I want to feel like I do have power over my eating habits and compulsions. So, we'll see. I might drop in and see if OA is for me.

On another note, maybe it will help for me to start writing down my food intake again.

Binging Again

For the last two days, I have been doing a lot of emotional eating. I have gone on 3 binges of snacks where I will eat the entire contents of a bag of chips or box of crackers. I feel a compulsion to do so, though I am recognizing that this is not the best decision for me. I am going to refocus my efforts to make better food choices for myself.

Starting now...

Week 7: Weigh-in

I hopped on the scale for a 1lb weight-loss since last week. Not bad. My BMI is now in the 38's. I have lost 2.8lbs in the last month and a half. I am grateful for the progress, but I wish this would go faster!!

Plan for today is to walk for an hour with a friend and then go to dinner with another friend.

I hiked a local butte with my friend L yesterday, we burned 1500 calories doing so. I feel proud of myself - it certainly is a challenge for me to do the hike, especially in parts where there is some climbing to do. But the view from up there is quite breathtaking. Our plan is to hike the butte 1x/week.

I'm Back

We were gone for 8 days to Boston. 2 days travel (back and forth), 2 days conference, and 4 days of sight-seeing. It was great fun, and definitely felt like a break. The flights were torturous and long (west-east coast and back), and the time differences +DST made us very sleepy.

Fun-wise, we did lots of sight-seeing, learned a lot about Boston history, met a friend I had not met in 14 years, and met a dear family of friends I had not seen since 2009. Very satisfying altogether!

Food-wise, we ate out a lot. We were on a budget, so we ate out a lot at chipotle-style restaurants. D got horribly sick on his birthday from some dodgy chicken at a Qdoba. The hotel we stayed at for 4 days had a hot breakfast, so that was good too.

Exercise-wise, we walked around a lot. I would hate to have to drive around in Boston.I did not make use of the hotel fitness centers.

All in all, I ended up losing 0.2lbs on the trip - not bad at all! I was expecting a 2lbs+ gain. Thankfully, that did not happen.

Gone for a week

I will be gone for a little more than a week. I'll be back on 3/12. Will post updates then. Take care... whoever is reading...

Sore Today

Zumba last night was fun. I was very awkward, didn't move the way I was supposed to, and felt ridiculous! But, the class went by so much quicker than any other workout classes I had been to, so that's wonderful. I think I will be back again. I didn't feel like the workout was a big strain on me, but I was tired, slept well and this morning was sore - so I think I was using muscles that I don't usually use. Good job, me!!!

I started work about an hour and a half later than most days - it makes such a difference to have an extra hour and a half to not have to focus on work! I wish I worked shorter hours. I wish everyone worked shorter hours! We all would be much happier that way, I think.

Goal for this week, use up as much of the stuff in the fridge as we can before we leave for a week long trip to Boston. This means getting creative with foodstuff and trying new recipes. Nice! I am going to make roasted ricotta tomatoes today - basically, scoop out tomatoes, stuff them with a mixture of ricotta, parsley, garlic, salt and pepper, top with some breadcrumbs, bake at 400F for half an hour. I'll add a pic tomorrow.

Kale and Zumba

I had a good day yesterday. I made three things I have never made before -

• Kale Chips
• Kale/Potato Gratin
• Ricotta-Garlic baked spread w. sourdough

Kale chips are wonderful. I just tossed them with tahini, lemon juice, chilli powder, salt, olive oil and nutritional yeast and baked on low heat until they were crispy. They were FANTASTIC and so easy to make. It's unbelievable that they cost so much at the supermarkets - usually $4.99 for a 5 oz box. I'm never buying them again - I will continue to make them. This is definitely a recipe to keep!

I am going to my very first Zumba class today. I have seen zumba and once did a 5 minute zumba thing - it looks difficult and silly. Anyhow, today is my first class. I am going with my friend L. I know some of my co-workers go to this particular class at my gym. I am not looking forward to that. But, maybe when I get there, I won't care.

Goals for today:

• Eat 3/3
• Drink 8 glasses of water
• Take multivitamin
• Go to zumba class
• Make stir-fry for dinner

Weekly Weigh-in #3

Weigh-ed in today. The scale said 234.4lbs. That means I have had my first weekly weight-gain. It's only 0.2 lbs, so I am thankful.

I went on a rather strenuous hike yesterday. Strenuous for me, that is. It was a moderate hike of 1.1 miles. The last third of the hike was rocky and I did a lot of climbing. At one point, I felt nauseous. My friend L with whom I was hiking was wonderful - we stopped for breaks a lot - which made her late for a lunch date. However, we both encourage each other a lot - which is truly wonderful. It's nice to have a hiking buddy. It felt like an accomplishment. Endomondo said that we used about 1200 calories. I estimate that it was actually a bit higher than that - for my weight. Imagine what it will be like to take the same hike with about 50lbs less weight on me!!! I'll get there eventually...

I spent the rest of Sunday lazing. I watched Julie and Julia. Nice movie - lots of food and very drool-worthy. I wish I could cook and eat like that!!! How did they manage left-overs? To cook 524 recipes a year, they must have chucked out all their leftovers or they would never be able to finish on time. Anyway, it was a good movie. I liked it.

Goal for today - 3 meals, 3 snacks. Cooking something with kale this evening. Don't know what yet.

Self-Love

My goal for today is to engage in lots of self-love. I am going to try and curb negative self-talk about myself and my body. I love myself!!

Breakfast. 8.30am
Tea, Scone, Home-baked doughnut

Snack. 11:00am
Apple

Lunch. 12.30pm
Indian fried rice my sister made for me, yogurt

Snack. 4:30pm
Scone

Dinner. 7:45pm
Not sure

Exercise
1 hr walk w. friend, 1.5 hr square dance class

3/3 again

My eating has been completely off whack these past few days. I have not been feeling motivated for weight-loss and moderate eating, and have had a couple of binges in the past couple of days. I think everytime I feel somewhat depressed, I do emotional eating. This is not good. I am going to go back and do the goal I had set for myself - limiting myself to eating three meals and three snacks each day. Here's the plan for today -

Breakfast. 8.30am
Black tea, apple

Snack. 11:00am
Piece of cheese

Lunch. 12.30pm
West African Yam and Peanut Stew, slice of pizza

Snack. 4:30pm
Sugar overload: 2 brownies, 1 cookie, 1/2 bagel w. cream cheese

Dinner. 7:45pm

Quinoa salad w. tomatoes, olives, chickpeas, feta, cilantro, lemon juice
Home-made hard apple cider (D loves brewing things)

Facebook depresses me

After a very long time not enrolling on facebook, I finally gave in and created an account a couple of weeks ago. While this has been really wonderful in terms of keeping up with people I know and love, it is also starting to depress me enormously.

People post so many pictures on there - and everyone looks so thin!! I know that many people have a distorted view of how much heavier than others they are, but in my case it is not a distortion, but a reality. Everyone posts pictures of themselves as thin beings while I shy away from the camera and hate taking pictures of myself! What a sad state of affairs this is.

I called my sister and  told her this. She said that I should use the feeling I get seeing these pictures as motivation to workout and lose weight. How do I do that? I don't seem to know how! I don't want to workout. I want to go on a binge!

Weekly Weigh-in #2

The scale read 234.2lbs this morning. A very small weight-loss over the past 2 weeks. But I'll take that over a weight-gain.

I have been flagging in motivation and don't want to post on here. I wish this was not the case. It also does not help that I have been very busy, sleep deprived, and have been doing occasional binges these past few days. I really want to stop blogging, but I hope that posting something is better than quitting altogether.

I'm back and flagging motivation

I am back from my vacation. It went well, I had a good time. However, eating was completely off whack when I was on my trip - I ate a lot, and snacked a lot more. Did not do much exercise either. Not a good combination altogether. I am waiting for my weigh-in on Monday to see how I recuperate from the week-long trip.

Happy Valentine's day, everyone! I am going to achieve two of my goals for the month today. I plan on cooking two new things today, and also am going to have a romantic Valentine's meal with D as planned. I'll post updates tomorrow.

On another note, I feel my motivation flagging. I have to push through and try and be healthy. However, I don't know that my motivation is keeping up with my goals. 

Gone for a while

If anyone is reading... I will be gone for a week. I am travelling to the mid-west. I'll try to stay on track with eating. I'll be back next Wednesday and check in then about how things have been. Stay warm, everyone!

Recipes for the Month

One of my goals for February is to make 3 new recipes that I have not made before. I keep cooking the same things over and over, and it is time to expand my repertoire. Here are the three things I plan on making when I get back from vacation next week:

1. African Groundnut Stew
2. Tofu Piri Piri
3. Pumpkin-Walnut cake 

The first two recipes are from Vegan Fire and Spice, and the last one is from a recipe a co-worker gave me.

Here's the nosh planned for today -

Breakfast. 7:30am
Tea w. milk & splenda
Pilot bread x1
2 oz cheese

Snack #1. 10:30am
Banana

Lunch. 1:00pm
Rice, Thai Tofu Green Curry

Snack #2. 4:00pm
Hummus & Carrots

Exercise. 5:15pm
Walk with friend - 1 hr

Dinner. 8:00pm
Tofu tacos w. salsa
Fat free-vanilla ice-cream

Weekly Weigh-in #1

I stepped on the scale this morning - 234.8lbs. That is a 1.6lb weight loss this week. I should be happy, but I have been stepping on the scale each morning, and I know at one point it was down to 232.4, so I feel slightly bad.

To avoid this, I won't step on the scale between weigh-ins. I will be gone next Monday on vacation and may not have access to a scale. However, I will be back and weighing-in the Monday after that.

Breakast. 8:15am
Plain Greek yogurt  mixed with a banana, nuts and craisins

Lunch. 12:15pm
1 slice rustic onion-herb bread
Pav bhaji
Roasted Broccoli
2 Lindor truffles

Mid-afternoon Snack. 2:00pm
1/2 cup trail mix

Mid-afternoon Snack #2. 5:45pm
Hummus & carrots

Dinner. 8:50pm
Rice, Thai Tofu Green Curry
Pilot bread
Fat-free vanilla ice-cream
(We found out that D's mother had fallen and broken an arm and a hip. She is very old and frail. We went to visit her, and dinner was delayed)

FiberOne meal bar review

 

I received two complimentary boxes of the FiberOne meal bars and am going to review them here. I received the meal bars from BzzAgent - a social marketing company that gets reviews and consumer opinions about a range of products. This review is my honest opinion and not influenced by anyone else. Please do your own research before you use these products.

The flavors I received were Strawberry Greek Yogurt and Chocolate Peanut Butter. These are meal replacement bars and each contain 10g of protein and 9g of fiber. Both the bars are delicious. They are sweet, but both contain 40-60% less sugar than Special-K bars. They are definitely convenient, and a quick and healthy replacement  I am going to leave them at work so I can use them for breakfast when I don't have the time to make breakfast at home.

They can be found in the nutrition or pharmacy aisle near other wellness bars and weight management products.They retail at $5.49 per box, and contain 5 bars in each box. Allergen information - they contain soy, nut and milk products.

Feb 2nd, 2014

Nothing much to report today. I am working on a Sunday. :-( I am going to a conference and then on a 2 day vacation, so I need to get caught up on a number of things before that.

Usually on Sundays, D and I will go to a nearby town for dinner or to do something as a "mini break". I am working today and we are going on vacation soon, so we decided that we were going to get a cheap dinner in town and go watch a cheap movie. Captain Phillips is playing at the $2 theater in town.

Breakfast 8.30am
2ox cheddar cheese, 10 rice crackers

Lunch. 12:30pm
Rice, chickpea curry
1 cup Mixed nuts & craisins

Mid-afternoon snack binge. 5:00pm
4 lindor truffles
1/4 cup mixed nuts and craisins
Hummus and carrots

Dinner. 6:30pm
Enchilada Bowl (rice, refried beans, enchilada sauce, cheese)
Tortilla chips, salsa

I'll post my first weekly weigh-in tomorrow.

February Goals

I wish I had started this blog on January 1st. I could have added yearly goals and tracked progress. Never mind, I will start in February. I am big on goal setting. I set goals each year, on each birthday, at the start of each month, at the start of each week, each morning, on Christmas, for Lent - in other words, I am big on setting goals and on new beginnings. Would that I were as keen on persisting on completing said goals. Anyhow, if I keep posting, I suppose I will be accountable.

GOALS FOR FEBRUARY

1. Walk or hike 3x/week
2. Do 10 pushups each day working up to 25 by the end of the month
3. On days I don't go walking or hiking, do a 7 minute workout
4. Stick to eating 3 meals and 3 snacks each day
5. Cook three new recipes this month
6. I am going out of town for a week this month - stay on track with eating
7. Do a romantic dinner for Valentine's Day
8. Read one book this month
9. Call my parents once a week at least

Jan 31st, 2014

I thought I'd mention that I am vegetarian - that's why you don't see any meat in my meals. I do like and eat dairy products. I am not a big fan of eggs, so I don't eat them very often. Also, I much prefer savory and spicy stuff compared to sweet things. This is especially true for breakfast. When I can't have something savory/salty/spicy for breakfast, I usually skip breakfast altogether rather than eat something sweet. That's why you see so many Indian breakfast foods in my meals - a good spicy start to the day. :-) 

The scale this morning was 232.8lbs. I added a "Progress" page that I will update each week.

Nothing much else to report for today. I have a busy day at work today and here is the planned food -

Breakfast. 6:00am
Tea w. Milk & Splenda
1 Pilot bread
Puttu, Black Chickpeas

Mid-morning snack. 11:00am
Fruit,Orange Juice

Lunch. 1:00pm
Rice, chickpea curry
Broccoli
Pear

Mid-Afternoon Snack. 3:15pm
Banana

Dinner.
1/2 medium veggie pizza (4 small slices)

Thoughts after 3 days

I stepped on the scale this morning. 233.4lbs. I know this can be very misleading. But, I also know that I have not been 233.x in more than a week. Maybe this has something to do with my 3meals+3snacks resolution?

I am really trying to keep up the resolution of only eating three meals and three snacks each day. Yesterday, I ate 4 snacks, but one of them was quite small. Anyhow, what I have noticed is that I do get cravings, and when I feel a craving come on, I try to rationalize eating something quick. I think -

"Oh. Just a small something..."
"I can eat less later in the day."
"I hate not being able to eat when I want to."
"It won't really matter. How long do I think I can go on doing this anyway?"
"I could eat it and then not blog about it..."
"This is horrible! I am going to get depressed if I go on restricting myself like this."

But I also find that when I stick to the resolution and just wait until my next meal or snack, it does not affect the quality of my life negatively. And, I also realize that I am not really restricting myself. I am eating 6 times a day. I am eating whatever I want to. It's just that when I do eat something that should not be consumed in great quantities, I don't consume a great quantity of it. (Pat myself of the back!)

Breakfast. 6:30am
Tea w. milk & splenda
1 semolina rusk
Puttu, Black chickpeas

Mid-morning snack 9:45am
Baked homemade key-lime coconut doughnut at meeting
(Not what I had planned. But this was yummy and wonderful, and home-made and baked, so less junk-y than Krispy Kreme?)

Lunch. 11.55am
2oz cheddar cheese, 10 rice crackers

Mid-afternnon Snack. 2:00pm
Carrots
1/2 bag cinnamon-sugar Chex chips

Exercise. 5:15pm
1hr moderate walk with a friend

Dinner. 6:45pm
1.5 slice veggie pizza
1/4 cup pasta salad
1/2 cup green salad
2 pilot bread
Olives
Tortilla Chips x8
1/4 cup black beans
(Dinner was at a potluck. I ate quite a bit because I had had no time to eat a proper lunch during the day. However, I only took one serving and did not go back for seconds. I also skipped dessert.)

Exercise-II. 7:30pm
1.5 hrs mild square dancing. It's not really vigorous. But I will be on my feet and moving. 
Did not happen - class got cancelled.

Free Chex Chips

I picked up a free bag of Chex Chips at 7-11 today. If you have a smartphone, you can download their mobile app and make an account to get this special offer. There is a "Redeem" button. Don't click on this until you get to the store and have the bag in hand because the offer is only valid for 15 minutes after you click the "Redeem " button. Valid till 1/31 or until supplies last. Free stuff - who can resist?

Anyway, I got the "Cinnamon and Sugar" flavor. I think there is a cheesy flavor as well, but my local 7-11 were out of it. I will be reviewing this today. I have never done a review for a food item before. Very exciting! Here goes -

These are giant, puffy chips that are shaped like the Chex rice squares, except these are about 10 times as large. I'd say they are more a "puff" than a "chip". They are multigrain, and sugar is the 8th ingredient. It's not very sweet, but is sweet enough - which I like because I find most sweet snacks to be really sweet. It is also slightly salty, so it's a good mix of a sweet-salty taste. They taste distinctively of cinnamon, but not overpoweringly so. I like that the nutritional information at the back is for the entire pouch. This makes it easy for me since I am not naturally the kind of person who does not eat an entire pouch of snacks. (Who ARE these people?!?!?!?!) And talking about size, this is not a super large bag - it's 1.5ozs. That's a good size snack, I think. I ate half of this as a mid-morning snack (see - I can portion out snacks. It's just that it does not come naturally to me) The downside may be the price. While I got this for free at the 7-11, I saw that it costs $1.79. That's a bit much for 1.5ozs of a snack in my opinion. So, overall, I would say it's definitely worth a try. And there is also another cheesy version if you prefer savory instead of sweet.

Here is the non-free nosh:

Wake-Up Snack. 5:15am
Tea w. Milk and Splenda
2 semolina rusks

Breakfast. 6:30am
Puttu, Black Chickpeas

Mid-morning Snack. 9:45am
10 rice crackers, 2oz cheddar cheese

Mid-morning Snack. 11:15am
1/2 bag of Cinnamon Sugar Chex Chips

Lunch. 12:50pm
Rice, chickpea curry
Water Crackers x4

Snack @ Meeting. 4:20pm
1/2 Bagel w. cream cheese

Dinner. 7:50pm
Rice w. Vegetable stir-fry
1 piece nougat 
1 piece almond chocolate
1/2 cup fat-free vanilla icecream

Jan 28th, 2014

Nothing much to report today. I got a good night's sleep last night, so am feeling better today.

Weight this morning: 234.8 lbs. Here is the plan for today -

Breakfast. 7:30am
Puttu, Black Chickpeas
Green Tea

Lunch. 12:10pm
Quinoa-Feta Salad w. Tomatoes, Pears, Chickpeas
Roasted Broccoli w. Lemon

Snack. 2:45pm
Pear

Pre-Exercise Snack. 4:30pm
Rice crackers x10
1/2 Banana

Exercise. 5:15pm
1 hour moderate walking on mild incline with a friend

Dinner. 7:00pm
Potluck at a student organization meeting
** I ate a cookie that was not worth it. I thought halfway through that I should probably skip it since it wasn't even that tasty, but I finished it anyway. Why???

Restart

D and I had another fight this morning. It is very odd - I did not think we fought that much, but I seem to be blogging about it a lot. Today, I had no doubt in my mind that I was right and he was wrong. I also did not fly off the handle; I was calm and level-headed as I talked about my side. He looked a bit sheepish.

In body-related news, I did not get much sleep last night, and woke up feeling completely exhausted. I stepped on the scale. 236.4 lbs. YIKES! However, I have been thinking, and I think I know more about myself and my eating now...

I have discovered my weak points:

• I don't eat enough during the day and then have a larger than necessary dinner and dessert
• I snack way too much between meals.

So, keeping that in mind, I have decided that this week, I am going to try to restrict myself to 3 meals and 3 snacks each day. In theory, if I only can have 3 snacks, then I will be thoughtful about what these choices are. I'll try to translate this theory into practice. 

Breakfast. 7:30am
Puttu, Black Chickpeas

Snack. 10:45am
1 cup Cajun sesame sticks

Lunch. 12:27pm
0.5 cups Cajun sesame sticks
Fajita vegetables (leftovers from noche muy romantico with D last night)
1 slice rustic onion-herb bread

Dinner. 8:00pm
Quinoa-Feta Salad w. Tomatoes, Pears, Chickpeas
Roasted Broccoli w. Lemon 
Fat-Free Vanilla Icecream

Bad Mid-Day Binge

I slept very little last night. I stayed up late and watched two movies back to back - "Win Win" and "Vicky Christina Barcelona". I also had gone to the library yesterday evening and picked up the new Bridget Jones sequel that I talked about in my last post. I read a couple of chapters of that - it's definitely not as good as the first book, and not even as good as the second book (which had been disappointing). I will finish reading it, but was disappointed and ended up watching the movies instead.

D and I made up last night and things have been fine. We made love this morning. How many calories does sex burn? Then we slept some more.

I woke up, ate breakfast and went hiking with a friend. We hiked up and down a small local butte twice - there are two paths up the butte, and we hiked the easy one first, went down and then hiked up the difficult one. Good start, right? Well, I went and followed it with a binge - not good!!!

Breakfast. 9:05am
Idli x3, coconut chutney
Tea w. Milk & Spelnda

Exercise. 10:30am
Hike up the butte twice (1.25 hrs total) with L.

Post Exercise Snack. 11:49am
Banana

Lunchtime Binge (the next three hours)
2 pieces soft nougat
1 cup creamy sundried tomato-parmesan pasta
Small handful garlic sesame sticks
3 oz cheddar cheese
3/4 packet of rice crackers (not calorie dense, but still!!)
1 diet pepsi
Wisdom gleaned (1) Eat a proper lunch instead of snacking. (2) Don't shop hungry!

Dinner. 8:00pm
Rice, plantain curry

Jan 24th, 2014

I logged everything I ate yesterday, brushed my teeth and then went to bed. I got a good night's sleep and woke up feeling refreshed. I weighed in at 234.8 lbs. That's 1.4 lbs less than yesterday - I know it's not real weight loss - water weight or something, but still, the number does seem soothing.

Had another fight with D this morning. He is an exasperating man. We fight differently. I get angry and want to hash everything out right then. He withdraws and doesn't want to talk about it when we are upset - which drives me crazy!

In other news, I only found out yesterday that there is a new sequel to the Bridget Jones' Diary. It's called "Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy" Must get it and read it!

Here's the nosh -

Breakfast
6:45am: 5 Idlis and coconut chutney

Snack
10:45am: Trail Mix - 1 handful

Lunch
12:15pm: Leftover Veggie enchilada, 2 oz cheddar cheese, 1/2 cup fruit

Snack
4:00pm: 2 Lindor truffles

Pre-Dinner
5:00pm: 4 idlis and coconut chutney, 2 Lindor truffles (the chocolate was unneccesary)

Tea/Dinner
 
7:00pm: I went to tea at a friend's place and we were delayed and ended up turning it into a mini-dinner

Late Night Binge
10:45pm: 1/2 bag garlic popcorn, 4 Lindor truffles (maybe 5. I finished the bag at any rate) :-(

My Heaviest Weight Ever

Did I have to hit rock bottom before I created a blog? No. But I did reach an all-time low this morning when I stepped on the scales and weighed in at an all-time high for me. 236.2 lbs. The highest I had ever been before was 235lbs. That was five years ago. Since then, my weight has fluctuated between 202 lbs and what it is now, generally staying at around 217 lbs.

I was never happy with this weight. In fact, I have never been happy with my weight for my entire life. But, this morning really depressed me. It didn't help that I had already had a crappy night having had a fight with D last night. We made up this morning, but I still felt like crap after I saw the numbers on the scale.

I have dieted before and made resolutions before. Never really stuck to any of them. I don't know what I will have to do differently this time. Here are some things that pop into mind right away:

• I snack wayyyyy too much between meals. This needs to be reduced.
• I usually miss breakfast since I sleep in as late as I can and then scramble to get to work.
• My portion sizes are too large. D is a big man and can eat a lot. Perhaps I should not serve myself the same amounts as I do for him.
• I need to exercise more! I MUST NOT be in denial of this fact anymore. 
• I need more sleep and more self-care. 
• I should log my food intake. Counting calories is not a sustainable habit for me - it is not something I believe in anyway - food is to be enjoyed without being labelled good or bad. I will eat all kinds of yummy food, but I will write down what I eat and also post it here on the blog. This should keep me accountable to not overindulge. 
• When I go off-track, I should not give up and use that as an excuse for a binge-fest. 

Here are my goals:

• Lose 15 lbs in 5 months
• Be under 200 lbs by the end of 2014
• Exercise 4x/week
• Track food intake
• Eat breakfast 5x/week (to start with)
• Post monthly goals at the beginning of each month
• Don't lie. Don't hide. Don't stop blogging.

Okay here goes - first confessional for 1/23/2014

I ate way too much for breakfast - I tend to binge when I am depressed.

Breakfast
8:15am: Jasmine tea
9:15am: Banana w. nuts, craisins
9:40am: Spelt-Oat Scone, 4 pieces of watermelon

Lunch
12:15pm: Rice, beans, leftover Tofu stir-fry

Snack
3:30pm: Spelt-Oat Scone - this was totally avoidable

Dinner
6:45pm: Went to a potluck and had-
1 slice cheese pizza
1/2 dinner roll
1 cup salad
1 devilled egg
1/4 orange
1 slice apple pie
1 small piece cake

Exercise
1 hour of moderate pace walking with a friend