My Heaviest Weight Ever

Did I have to hit rock bottom before I created a blog? No. But I did reach an all-time low this morning when I stepped on the scales and weighed in at an all-time high for me. 236.2 lbs. The highest I had ever been before was 235lbs. That was five years ago. Since then, my weight has fluctuated between 202 lbs and what it is now, generally staying at around 217 lbs.

I was never happy with this weight. In fact, I have never been happy with my weight for my entire life. But, this morning really depressed me. It didn't help that I had already had a crappy night having had a fight with D last night. We made up this morning, but I still felt like crap after I saw the numbers on the scale.

I have dieted before and made resolutions before. Never really stuck to any of them. I don't know what I will have to do differently this time. Here are some things that pop into mind right away:

• I snack wayyyyy too much between meals. This needs to be reduced.
• I usually miss breakfast since I sleep in as late as I can and then scramble to get to work.
• My portion sizes are too large. D is a big man and can eat a lot. Perhaps I should not serve myself the same amounts as I do for him.
• I need to exercise more! I MUST NOT be in denial of this fact anymore. 
• I need more sleep and more self-care. 
• I should log my food intake. Counting calories is not a sustainable habit for me - it is not something I believe in anyway - food is to be enjoyed without being labelled good or bad. I will eat all kinds of yummy food, but I will write down what I eat and also post it here on the blog. This should keep me accountable to not overindulge. 
• When I go off-track, I should not give up and use that as an excuse for a binge-fest. 

Here are my goals:

• Lose 15 lbs in 5 months
• Be under 200 lbs by the end of 2014
• Exercise 4x/week
• Track food intake
• Eat breakfast 5x/week (to start with)
• Post monthly goals at the beginning of each month
• Don't lie. Don't hide. Don't stop blogging.

Okay here goes - first confessional for 1/23/2014

I ate way too much for breakfast - I tend to binge when I am depressed.

Breakfast
8:15am: Jasmine tea
9:15am: Banana w. nuts, craisins
9:40am: Spelt-Oat Scone, 4 pieces of watermelon

Lunch
12:15pm: Rice, beans, leftover Tofu stir-fry

Snack
3:30pm: Spelt-Oat Scone - this was totally avoidable

Dinner
6:45pm: Went to a potluck and had-
1 slice cheese pizza
1/2 dinner roll
1 cup salad
1 devilled egg
1/4 orange
1 slice apple pie
1 small piece cake

Exercise
1 hour of moderate pace walking with a friend