I was standing in the bathroom after my shower this morning looking at my body and so many things passed through my mind. This is the first time since I was about 23 that I have lost 17lbs in one attempt to lose weight. The most I have ever lost at one attempt before is about 10 lbs. 17 lbs seems monumental. I am very proud of myself for taking this step towards a healthier me. Also, I achieved my goal of May to see my weight under 220lbs. I must find a way to keep this up next week lest I bounce back. But even if I did, I'll be okay.
As I looked at myself in the mirror, I found myself criticizing my body still. I still weigh far more than I want to. I have saggy body parts, and flabby body parts, and cellulite and stretch marks. I almost despise my midsection which is where I carry most of my weight. My clothes feel more loose on my body and moving around and exercising is easier, but I still criticize. And then I thought - do I really think I am going to look like someone in a magazine? I'm not! First of all, no one looks like that - they're mostly photo-shopped images. Secondly, most people in magazines are not my race, and my body type is very very different from those people. Thirdly, I have been overweight for so many years, that my skin is stretched out. Even if I was to lose a 100 lbs, I'd have so much saggy and stretchy skin that I would probably still not like how I look in the mirror. I suppose I could have the skin surgically removed, but that's a lot of money that I don't know I would choose to fork over for a cosmetic procedure. Maybe. Maybe not. In any case that's counting my chickens before they have hatched...
That's when I resolved that I would try to be kinder and gentler with myself when looking at my body in the mirror. I will try to focus on all the aspects of this journey that do not have to do with what I look like. I will focus on being able to do exercise, lighter weight on my joints, being able to touch my toes (eventually), being comfortable on airline seats, not being the largest person in the room most of the time, longer life (potentially), enjoying food for its taste and not because it makes me feel better, learning my body's cues of fullness and hunger again, more outdoor activities, more energy, more general happiness, and most of all - a greater potential to conceive naturally.
Happy Memorial Day to everyone! I hope you all have a lovely day full of family, friends and fun!
BREAKFAST
Two eggs scrambled with onion, zucchini and cilantro; Watermelon; Tea w. Milk, no sugar
LUNCH
No - I didn't really eat Charlize Theron or Tom Hardy for lunch! I ate a single-serve bag of Doritos 3D Jacked, and an Almond-Coconut Kind Bar while I watched Mad Max: Fury Road. I recommend the movie - it's certainly gripping and quite exciting for the most part. There were some parts that were so ridiculous that I felt like laughing out loud, though. But overall, something I would recommend. Go to a theater to watch it! That's probably going to be more exciting than watching a DVD later.
SNACK
Cheddar Cheese 1oz.
DINNER
Roasted Curry-Favored Cauliflower; Salad w. Tomato, Mozzarella, Basil, Oilve Oil, Garlic, Black Pepper. As you can see - not enough protein today. Must do better about that!
Watermelon for dessert
EXERCISE
1.3 hr walk at mod-brisk pace.
LUNCH
SNACK
Cheddar Cheese 1oz.
DINNER
EXERCISE
1.3 hr walk at mod-brisk pace.
1 comments:
Congrats on the loss! It's so great to see our efforts pay off. It's hard to not compare and criticize our bodies--we are definitely our harshest critics! I like your new resolve of being kinder and gentler with yourself--I've been working on that myself. Your tomato basil salad looks delicious! Just added another use for all the basil my little plant is producing :)
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