Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Mini-Binge Last Night

All of this week is going to be busy - I am doing two presentations at a conference this weekend, and I am feeling rushed, anxious and busy. Add to that the fact that I am taking Friday off to go to the conference, and I have a short week with a full week's worth of work squeezed in. Yesterday, I forgot to check my blood sugar before lunch and dinner and forgot to take the metformin as well. GRR!! I am tracking my food intake though, even if I forget to take pictures.

Last night, Don went to a potluck meeting that I sometimes go to also. But I was not feeling up to it. I had had only 5 hours of sleep the night before, so I came home. I didn't feel like cooking, so I ate what I could find at home - a hunk of cheese and a KIND bar. When Don came home, he brought me a small slice of cheese pizza and a cookie, and I ate that as well. It didn't feel like a HUGE binge, but it did feel like a small one. I am trying not to be hard on myself about it in keeping with yesterday's affirmation.

Today's affirmation is: I am mentally and emotionally equipped to enjoy a healthy and loving life. I have frequently doubted this. My mother has been depressed and angry her whole life, and I have learned a lot of my self-criticism from her. I used to be scared of her, but as I have grown older, I get frustrated with her, but see her pain and her love for me, and find more forgiveness that anger towards her. But, I have frequently wondered if I am like her and just not emotionally equipped to live a happy life. I am generally happy and optimistic, but I am given to bouts of depression that debilitate me. And I feel guilty for feeling that way because I actually have a pretty good life and people around me who love me. And a lot of my worry is that I am just not emotionally equipped to be healthy. I worry that I give in to food too easily and that comfort is more important to me that health. I am going to try and accept that I am emotionally equipped to deal with any challenges life places my way. And being healthy and being depressed does not have to go hand in hand. I can and will be healthy.

JOURNAL

3 comments:

Christina @ Love Yourself Healthy said...

Looking at your overall day, I wouldn't even consider that a mini-binge! I know you're probably considering the feelings behind it as well, but on paper, it looks to me like you were just hungry from going 7 hours between meals. I know I tend to eat eat eat when I get home if I haven't had my afternoon snack. So be kind to yourself... your body was hungry!

Finding Lori said...

I love your affirmation for today, and I agree with Christina, your day doesn't look bad at all. Keep thinking positively! :) You're doing awesome!

#fatfreefloozy said...

Our parents have so much to answer for - right? Your day looks like my breakfast!!!!

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